Is all this worth fighting for?

That is the question that I have been thinking for the whole week during this CNY.

Yes there's some event happened in me. Together with it, it brought me to think of life again.

Reading back what I wrote for the past two years, it reminds me I'm always emotional during this time of the year.

Could it be long leaves at home and my mind is not occupied? Without the day to day hassle, I spent longer time thinking of life and feel helpless. Each day after run, what I wait is tomorrow. I didn't some core workout, stretching. But it doesn't help much.

Could it be the new year, reminded me to look at life more seriously. With age increasing, those questions I can't really postponed year by year. What you do really want to do in life? What's your destination?

On usual day, all of these questions was ignored by day to day work, and of course the training.

I've successfully form a lifestyle that surround training, and for that I seems to found a reasons to get away from all the realistic in life. An escape. An alibi. An asylum.

Sometimes the truth is merely delayed but not disappeared. One day I'm going to face it.

It's not that I don't want to have a normal life and at the same time got to continue to train.
It seems to be I take the training, as an excuse for not able to have one.
It seems that I always choose a way to fail myself.

What if, due to obsession in training and I lost something?
Is all this worth fighting for?

People says what happened in life is just a small plot for a bigger picture.
Ya, I understand.
At this junction, my faith is not there.

I read in online running forum there's people who was depressed too.
They have good ability, but they said they wished they have tried something else, not running those reps during the summer camp.

In the future, when I look back at this section of life, what will I feel?

Perhaps, it's meaningless to think of the future. Stand up and work what's currently in front. Face what's coming. Pick it up. If it's hurt, then let it be.

There's 32km run tomorrow morning.
I just suddenly feel lifeless and weak.
The motivation is gone.

I will need to keep my head up, as no one else will be there.
Hopefully when the holidays end, I'll find the motivation back.